Sunday, October 25, 2009



I literally JUST got back from seeing this film. Despite being a little fucked up and reeeaallly "jumpy", the trailer's claim that this was the "scariest movie in decades" is just not true.
Now, mind you, I'm a fifteen year old girl. If this really was the scariest movie anyone has ever seen, I'd be crying so hard I'd be unable to write this review. But it wasn't, and I'm not.

The film, shot entirely with by a couple (or on a tripod) with their home video camera, starts with a guy named Micah taping himself and his girlfriend Katie, as he tells the camera that he will be recording whatever happens in the house, to prove that there is an entity in it. I found it a little out of the ordinary that both main characters believed there was something in the house. There was no "I don't believe you" no "you're crazy" no conflict.
Until some crazy ass shit started to go down. Most of the paranormal action takes place at night, when the couple is trying to sleep. I will say, all of the scenes in which the "entity" in the house made itself known were quite frightening. One of my complaints, however, is that these scenes were rather rare. Most of the intense scenes only took place at night, which means you had to sit there and watch the couple's entire day fold out before anything even remotely scary would happen. Towards the end of the film, more scary scenes started to take place, but the film was slow nonetheless. VERY slow. In fact, this movie probably could have been 45 minutes long.
Paranormal Activity was very unnerving and startling. I'm not saying it wasn't a good film. It was, and I enjoyed it. What I am saying, though, is that there was no need to call it the scariest movie in America, or the scariest movie in decades, or whatever. It simply wasn't that scary. Scary? Absolutely. Scariest? No. It's a good time and the scary parts will scare the living shit out of you, there just weren't very many scary parts, and that's really all I have to complain about. The fact that this film used only a "paranormal" subject matter (rather than blood and guts and knives), and was a very accurate portrayal of what "hauntings" are supposedly like, deserves an applause. I understand that there was really no way to make this visually terrifying without putting some stupid effects into it. And therefore I applaud the film for sticking with straight up paranormal terror, rather than cheesy bloody bullshit. It got rather boring in parts, but again, the few intense scenes of terror were indeed terrifying. Go see this film, you won't be too disappointed. All in all, it was a good film and I'm glad I saw it. :)

Thursday, September 3, 2009

Chainsaw Thursday: Rob Zombie's Halloween II

Happy First Chainsaw Thursday everybody! On Chainsaw Thursdays I will review a particularly gory/not psychological thriller film. Enjoy.

"Michael Myers is *fucking* dead. Want me to spell it out for you? D-E-A-D!"

But of course it wasn't that easy...

The story follows Michael Myers' sister, Lori Strode, after she wakes up (in the home of her adopted family) from a disturbing and realistic dream in which she's being chased by Myers, whilst he *brutally* kills everyone in his way. Throughout the film, we are taken back and fourth between scenes of Michael doin' his thing--killin' the shit out people, and Lori having disturbing dreams and hallucinations that she's killin' the shit out of people. Mind you, though, while she is tormented by this spectre, she has no idea that she's related to Myers. It's not until she stumbles upon a detailed biography on Michael Myers that her history is uncovered. After reading the book, she discovers her real name is Angel Myers ("Angel"--hmm...). She goes to her friend's house to seek solace but soon decides "Hey, fuck it!" and she and two other friends go to a Halloween party.

But hey, it's a horror film, so drunk teenagers are obviously gonna get they're asses butchered.
While at the party, Lori gets hammered, and while her one friend is about to get it on in a car with some kid in a wolf mask, they bite the dust at Michael's hands. Lori and her remaining friend soon decide that they should probably be heading home (unbeknownst to them their third buddy is dead in the back of a van). First they go to Lori's house, only to find that Lori's 'sister' Anna has been butchered and is barely alive (she dies within a matter of minutes). The friend is told by Lori to go call 911, but something has to go wrong, and she is killed as she is telling the 911 operator the address. Lori's adopted father (who is a cop) soon returns home to find Lori gone and Anna dead. Obviously disturbed and distraught over the death of his only biological child, he is still determined to find Lori and figure out just what the hell is going on.
But soon, the asshole writer of the Michael Myers biography (you know, the one that broke the news to Lori..I mean, Angel) shows up saying he wants to help. The cop gets his knickers in a twist and is all "get the fuck out of here, blah blah blah." Loomis, however (the writer) tags along anyways and when they go to an out-in-the-middle-of-nowhere location to find Lori, they discover that Michael Myers is with her.
"Holy Hell Batman! I thought you said he was D-E-A-D, DEAD!"
And that's what everyone seemed to think, but throughout the film we see images of him doing his thing, so we (the viewers) know that he obviously ain't dead!...
If you want to know the ending, tough shit. I know I gave away a good portion of the plot but the point of my reviews is so YOU (the reader) can make a choice of whether you want to go see it. I'm not going to tell you the end so you don't have to watch it.
Anyway, now for the point of my review: did I like it? Hell yeah, I'd say I liked it. The gore was EXTREMELY intense so, like Inglourious Basterds, not for those who get queasy easily. The gore can kind of distract one from the plot at times, so I guess that would be my only complaint. This was not a plotless horror flick, however. The plot was pretty intriguing, but the amount of gore was just, like I said, a little distracting. And pretty disgusting might I add. But it was a good time nonetheless. If you're looking to be scared, you'll be impressed. Before this one, I honestly can't remember the last "horror" movie that actually scared me. I can honestly say that I almost cried like a little bitch during one or two of the killing scenes (yes--it was that intense!). If you're into horror movies and you're one of those "the gorier, the better" people, then definitely go see it. If you're looking for a deep, psychologically unnerving thriller that will disturb you to the very depths of your soul, then skip this one. If I had to rate it using the "star" system (which I sort of hate), I would say seven out of ten because the gore/blood splatter/sound of people being stabbed in the back of the head was kind of repetitive and got annoying after a while. Some people said it was confusing, and I found myself *a little* confused at times, but that could possibly be just me being stupid. Other than that, no complaints. All in all, Halloween II pretty much kicked some serious ass. Go see it.

Sunday, August 30, 2009


Inglourious Basterds.
Anyone who's seen the film knows that the title is spelled incorrectly on purpose :)

Was probably one of the most amazing films I've ever seen. Definitely in my top five. Completely worthy of it's 8.7 rating on the IMDB. ( It's like a "violent fairytale" of sorts--conveying a "wouldn't it be nice if..." idea, and indeed it would have been nice if history could have gone down like the plot of this film. It takes place in Nazi-occupied France (obviously) during WWII, and centers around both an escaped Jew in France, and a group of American guerrilla vigilantes who are in the "killing Nazi business".

And Business Was Boomin'.
The violence in the film is intense--but worth it, as it was exhilarating, exciting, and TOTALLY FUCKING BADASS!!!
Anyway, the Inglourious Basterds (as the Nazi killers call themselves),devise a plan to kill hundreds of Nazis, along with the Fuhrer himself with the help of Shoshanna Dreyfus, a young Jewish girl who runs a movie theatre.
The film is packed with suspenseful dialogue; though I'm guessing about half of that dialogue is either in German or French. So if you don't mind reading subtitles, then it shouldn't be difficult to get what's going on. Obviously anyone who knows what the movie is about knows that it's totally not gonna go down well with those with weak stomachs (and closed minds). The violence was gory as hell and the subject matter very "touchy" but it's a must-see. I have absolutely no complaints about this film. Not because this is my first review and I'm not used to hard criticism (I AM), but because it was THAT FUCKING GOOD. No joke, the audience actually CLAPPED at the end of the film. Does that ever happen?? Walking out of the theatre, I actually thought I should have paid MORE to see this masterpiece.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Mmkay, So...

Let me explain this blog.
Horror has always been my favourite genre of film. I love blood and guts just as much as the next horror movie buff, but there's something to be said about a flick that can mess up your head without any ketchup.
My purpose here at Clockwork Orangejuice is to review psychological thriller/horror films. That means I like to review films with a deeper meaning, which is where my lovely brainchild gets its title, "Clockwork Orangejuice": borrowed from the most famous psychologically fucked up film of all time. Occasionally I will review a bloody gorefest of a film, but the real purpose of the blog is to review psychologically disturbing or unsettling flicks. You get it. least I hope you get it. If you don't, (after I've mentioned the word "psychological" about a million goddamn times), get your ass out of here and go read Fangoria.
A little background information about your humble narrator:
I'm a female, I'm in high school (but don't like to admit it, because I hate high schoolers), I'm obsessed with quite a few things at the moment, including the 1940s, zombies, Communism and the Soviet Union, Scandinavian languages, The Damned (fell in love with a Video Nasty :D),
the 18th century, mortuary science, film noir, silent films, and other oldtimey stuff, etcetera. So, now that I've rambled on aimlessly about myself, I wish you a happy reading experience.

***a little note: because this is a psychological (there's that word again) thriller review blog, I'm afraid it's awfully difficult to explain my thorough opinion on these films without giving away the majority of the movie. So if you haven't seen them do not with to know the ending, I suggest you don't read these. However if you have seen a film and would like to entertain yourself by hearing a different interpretation of it, or you simply like reading reviews, then go ahead and read up. Yay.